REGRET! I do not have that word in my vocabulary, I always says to myself and to my friends it is a waste of time, energy, and emotion to regret something or things that already done and happened. We cannot turn back the time and undo things, decisions and words that been said. Unless we have a time machine and we can go back to our past and re undo the bad things and make it perfect. For sure, that machine will be a big hit! Everyone want to use that machine and make his or her past perfect. Maybe this world will be a better place and no poor people, everyone has a good life, or it can be a disaster as everyone will became egoistic and do not want to have a hard life. An overused machine, everyone will use you over and over again. Admit it, we people will never be contended of what we have, we always want everything and yet we keep complaining. Sad, but that’s the truth I guess. Nevertheless, I will never use that machine to re-undo my life. I think I will never be this kind of person if I did not experienced my past and I consider my past as my best teacher. Beside my parents, family, friends, the people I have meet in my life and my faith with HIM, my past taught me also a lot to became a better person, my past taught me to deal with different people and different situation with good manners as much as possible.
Sometimes I did things that I should not did do, but I keep doing it. Typical me….. Stubbornbitch! Like last Tuesday, in the middle of the week, it was a perfect summer for me, the sun is so bright, no gray clouds; the sky is so clear like a crystal blue. We went to the school of Sofia to congratulate her and we had a little zip of white wine there. Afterwards, we were invited to have a pizza in her mom’s place, so we came and we seated at their backyard outside. I had a cup of coffee first, and I’m holding myself not to have an alcohol that day, because the following day I have school and Peer cannot drink because he need to drive home. But then, I got one glass of wine, and I told myself “ok just one glass and let it last for the entire evening”. The wine tasted so good and I drunk my glass of wine after an hour, then she pour me again another one, and it lasted for an halfhour. The conversation just got interesting and the alcohol in body was started to talk, but I must admit it was fun and I love the wine. And then she keeps pouring and pouring wine in my glass until I cannot control it anymore.
From four in the afternoon until eight in the evening I almost passed out, but luckily I have an angel to remind me that my eyes are starting to crossed and meaning I’m getting drunk and I cannot control it anymore. So, my husband decided to bring me home, in the car on our way home I was still able to post a picture in IG, and right after posting it I don’t remember what happened next. The next thing I remember is when I woke up in the middle of the night feeling so thirsty and I drunk 1 liter of water. Then go back to bed and trying to remember what did I do? did I said something bad? Or did I do something awful? And I hope I did not do something stupid. I hate it when I put myself in the situation that I’m not aware of, especially when I cannot do anything about it because I let the alcohol over power my body. Then again, I will said to myself I should not do that, but I already did! Besides, I guess I had fun! Because when my husband woke up he tissed me, how I able to brush my teeth and went to bed half naked. It was disaster! And on the following day I have a school and I’m totally blocked out at school. It was a waste of day, my favorite day, Wednesday I was not productive at all!
So again, I told to myself I would never do that again! I hope my inner self will listen to me and be brave enough that to follow my instinct, but to her inner self. Nevertheless, I love that way, that every time I got drunk I’m totally blocked out I don’t remember anything at all. They said it was an excuse of a drunk person, but based on my own personal experiences it happened to me, I totally forgot everything. Which is for me is a good thing so I will not feel ashamed what happened that night because I don’t have memory. But they have a picture of me and a story that they will tell and pass in a million times, then again it will not sink in to my system because there is no record in my memory that it happened to me. Is that an excuse or a gift? I will consider that as a gift, and move on look forward to another fun and memorable evening together with my friends and family. I just hope it will not happen during weekdays in the middle of school time or a workdays and hoping I will be more wiser and matured not to passed out and let the alcohol control my whole body, after all it’s not fun to be out of the place, every time they are having fun talking about your shit.